It seems so very long ago, but it has only been six months that I’ve suffered from depression, lost my self, broke up with my boyfriend, re-discovered myself again, became happy and got back with my boyfriend who we are now going in our 3rd year of being together.
During my road of self-discovery, I tried to trace back my steps and analyse what I did that lead me to losing myself in the first place; to losing sight of what is the true state of my reality. I am not going to lie, I wouldn’t have done it without the help of my friends and of a book they’ve recommended to me, called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, as well as other spiritual guidance.
It was a hell of a road and I now that I look back I feel that it was meant to be like that; it was meant for me to lose my Self because I got the opportunity to get in touch with my Inner Being and my spirituality. I became wiser, stronger, and I’ve gained the ability to look at a situation as it really is: two sided.
The no.1 reason why I broke up with someone whom I loved with everything inside of me, who I’ve never imagined myself ever being apart from, is because I expected him to do all the things I did for him, as if he was responsible somehow for all the decisions I’ve made that brought to me falling apart. During the time where I was constantly crying and constantly trying to explain the hole that I had in my chest and asking, no…expecting my boyfriend to fill it, he was unaware of what I was truly going through. He couldn’t understand the amount of importance that my tears had and he could not hear my cry for help… not because he didn’t care or he didn’t love me, but because his mind worked differently from mine- because his reality was different from mine. I made the mistake and depended on him to fix me, and asked countless time to save me, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson: no one can save you but You. If you allow someone else to save you then you are not truly saved but instead you become his captive because you will do anything to hold on to the feeling of the salvation that he brings.
When someone has not experienced the same feelings, he cannot relate therefore he cannot understand. Don’t expect him to understand the way you feel because he won’t. However, It is important that you see it as a good thing because it can help you deal with it in the best possible way, which I am going to tell you right now.
- Let your partner know what you are going through; tell him exactly what you feel.
- Do not expect him to relate and most importantly, do not expect him to offer you a solution and don’t get upset when he won’t, for he does not know what you need. You know what you need.
- Ask only for his support.
- Understand that having his support and saving you are two different things; supporting you is what he is supposed to do, the only thing he can do, while saving you is just an illusion.
- Identify what it is that made you have your current emotions and don’t confuse them with your emotions towards your partner.
- if those emotions are caused by your partner, ask for his side of the story instead immediately forming your own opinion. That’s your way of thinking, not his.
Once you understand that not everyone thinks like you, you will see the true reality of things. Situations and fights occur when you start thinking for two: when you assume that what is, is because of what you think it is, then you create a false reality and put yourself in to unnecessary negative thinking. There are always two perspectives of the story and when you learn to accept both, then you will begin to feel more at peace with yourself because you will realise that you cannot control how the other person thinks, you can only control how you will handle it.