Love can be seducing; it makes you think that in order to be real, you must sacrifice yourself in the name of love…but it is a trap. Real life is not like romantic Literature; in real life, love blinds you and it binds you to a person who holds a knife five inches away from your heart and you become foolish enough to trust that he/she won’t drive it through.
And then, before you know it, you have lost yourself because you gave everything, sacrificed everything, made decisions that were based on his happiness thinking that somehow you will be rewarded with more love, more affection, more attention. But what happens when the other person in the relationship doesn’t realise or even appreciate your offerings?
For me it came in stages:
- High expectations after offering my Self.
- Disappointment of not getting rewarded.
- Anger for not getting through my partner.
- Depression after the realization that I’ve wasted my Self.
Sometimes you don’t realise that you are losing yourself piece by piece until you don’t recognise yourself in the mirror anymore. And when you do look in the mirror, you are unable to face You in the eyes because your eyes hide the truth… you are not happy.
What is more difficult, is to say it to aloud it and let it be your reality because then, you automatically accept that you are going through depression. Observe your daily patterns; do you have different mood swings? Do you put your partner in “tests” and wait for him/her to fail because he/she didn’t reach your expectations? Does waiting for your partner to please you become your main goal?
If so, I am here to tell you that everything is going to be alright.
What is more important, it to not make the mistake and blame your partner for he did not make the decisions for you and most certainly, he was not in the position to realise what you were going through. You are in this position because of your expectations to think like YOU.
It’s time to choose You. When you feel that you deserve better that this is because your expectations no longer revolve around him but around You, who you used to be and who you want to be. It’s time to Awake from depression and rediscover yourself and if that means that you must leave loved ones behind, then feel no fear for you have all the strength you will ever need to make it out alone.
See also, The Two Perspectives in a Relationship: Learn to accept both. for advice on how to make your relationship healthier, by avoiding creating false realities.